A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
