he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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