just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
