I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
