I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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