I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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