remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
