Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
