dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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