she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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