on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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