so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I need moral support for this bender
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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