Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
do herpes really smell.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Randomize
