Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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