she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
