something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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