Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
