the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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