When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
