trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
