he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
