New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We are two peas in an std pod
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
