Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
