I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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