My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
