i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
