FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
