I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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