eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
