brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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