Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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