My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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