Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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