I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
