did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
