i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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