we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
