Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
