did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
