i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
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Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
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its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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