Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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