Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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