I just made out with a guy for $7.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
