White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wish i was in the wii world.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
