the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
