she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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