I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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