So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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