I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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