Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
