Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
