I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
