If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
