Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
