So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Oh god it's open bar.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize