I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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