just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
