I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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