I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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