best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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