Having a random hookup so left but love u
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
