is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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