margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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