im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
