i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
