My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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