Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
