one two three fourrrrnication!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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