there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
