update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
