even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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