i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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