I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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