I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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