Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
