She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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