Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
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So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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