my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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