Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
