You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
