Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
